My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
