I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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