If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
