Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
