is your mom at the bar?
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I need water and some morals
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
