When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
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i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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