Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
being pregnant is like rehab
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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