it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
