Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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