next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
