Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize