i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
