thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
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