he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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