So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
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Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
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I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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