I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
