You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
