I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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