Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
