i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*