Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
