3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
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Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
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I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only