He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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