I never want to see another naked old woman again.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
