haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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