No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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