Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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