i just identified you from a description of your pipe
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
