You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Houston, we have a squirter
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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