He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
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We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
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PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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