i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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