i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
