walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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