I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Your cock deserves a montage
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
