I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
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We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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