can u get pink eye on your cock?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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