I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
