i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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