2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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