just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I think I just shit out all my problems.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
