I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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