its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I need to align my fucking chakras
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
