cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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