Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
She told me I should be a condom model.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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