I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
