some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
