It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
