me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
