all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
