For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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