Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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