just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Randomize
