so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
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