So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
