Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
