Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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