Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
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