You're so nebulous sometimes
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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