I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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