I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
