fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
