I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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