In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
