I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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