My underwear smells like fireworks.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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