i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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