he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
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