she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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