We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
