Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
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He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
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It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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