Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
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