I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
