I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
