I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
