Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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