I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
He told me they were just razor bumps!
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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