carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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