just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
