No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Randomize
