Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
You can't motorboat a personality
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
