just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
So much Jack, so little girl.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
