I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
are you so shy because you have an std?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
