Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
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I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
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I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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