Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
