I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
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